Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
