i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
