One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize