walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
