Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize