Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
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