I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
