i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
