you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize