Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Randomize
