i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
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