I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I've blown a few things in my day
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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