you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
