I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
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