He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
