didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
