So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
