I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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