The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
