I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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