Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I cockslap morals
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
