I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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