omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize