Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
