if i can run in heels then i can drive
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Randomize
