my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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