I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Randomize
