i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize