when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
