pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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