Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
