what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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