I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
