yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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