I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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