My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I wish life had little blips of pornography
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
