I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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