My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
