don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
