So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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