I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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