Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
