she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
did you just send me my own nude
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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