At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
