He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
