This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
