K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
