Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
