Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
