And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize