Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
