She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Randomize
