Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
