I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Oh and itβs been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! ππππ¬π³π
Randomize