he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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