Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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