someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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