Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
