I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
