happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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