This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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