Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
