Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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