I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
