i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize