I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
