so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
