If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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