I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
