He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
