Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Randomize
