i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
