and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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