oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
