He uses pillows to masturbate.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
