when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
This baby is an asshole
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
