i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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