yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
