I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
