So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
