i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
